Hopelessly DevotEd
by Moskevyu
Summary: Edd becomes a pawn in Eddy's attempt to avoid military school.
1. Chapter 1

The characters appearing in this story are property of Aka Cartoon and Cartoon Network. I neither own nor profit from these characters, except for Megan. She is an OC I created in 2000.

**Hopelessly Devot-Ed, Part One**

It's been a week since Halloween, and Eddy still enjoyed notoriety for his latest school prank. Once Principal Antonucci calmed Coach Greeley down, even he found it a little funny. Eddy felt lucky, too. Mr. Antonucci could've run him through another round of Saturday detentions, but he let him off with a thirty minute lecture and an essay assignment on why snakes and frogs belong in the Science Lab, and not in the pool during a Lady Cobs Swim Team practice.

"Dinner's on," called Eddy's mom. Eddy washed his hands and strolled into the kitchen. He was ready for dinner conversations about his father's work life, or his mother's progress rebuilding her motorcycle engine. He was not ready for the small opened tan envelope from Peach Creek Junior High. "_Oh, no... Downslips,_" he thought, "_I am so dead._"

Dinner started quietly though it was obvious Eddy's parents read his downslips. They weren't thrilled. He helped himself to some casserole and waited. It took quite a while before they moved into their favorite torture method: talking as if he wasn't there. His mother put a portion of broccoli on Eddy's plate and started in. "So, I understand Eddy's been having fun at school, lately."

"Um-hmm," his father answered.

"Snakes on the swim team, firecrackers during study hall, coffee cups glued to desks, shaved guinea pigs... He's really raising the bar."

"Um-hmm."

Eddy looked around nervously.

"You know, Eddy is almost old enough to go to Pembrook."

"Um-hmm."

Eddy freaked. "MILITARY SCHOOL?! NO! You wouldn't! You can't! Don't make me go to Pembrook! PLEASE!"

"It's done your brother a world of good," his mother continued.

"Um-hmm."

Eddy rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah. Good ole' Artie. He's a real riot now that he's properly pressed. I'd say the real improvement was the cattle prod they welded up his..."

"Edward!"

"_What?_ You wrecked him!"

Eddy's dad steepled his hands and leaned forward to emphasize the law he was about to lay down. "Tell you what. You can quit fooling around and get your grades up, or you can call your Drill Sergeant 'Daddy' for the next few years."

Eddy sank in his chair and stared down at his plate.

"Eat your broccoli," chimed his mom.

-

"Hiya Eddy!" Eddy peered around his locker door to see Edd coming toward him. Ed followed close behind. "Whatcha' doing?"

"Nothing." Eddy sounded down enough for even Ed to perceive.

"Are you alright?"

"Oh, I'm fine. Perfect. My parents are sending me to Pembrook."

"Isn't there anything you can do?"

"A miracle. My parents want a miracle."

"Oh, your grades! Well, I can help."

"It's no use, Double-D. The semester is half-over! What am I going to improve in six weeks?!"

"Aw, c'mon Eddy, it's not that bad. All you have to do is concentrate on your homework."

"Like I said, it's useless."

"I can help you study, Eddy. I already know most of the subjects you're taking."

"Yeah, yeah, rub it in. The whole world knows how smart _you_ are."

Eddy closed his locker and walked away.

"But, Eddy..."

Ed looked thoughtful. "If only Eddy had a sponge and a shoebox."

"Whatever, Ed."

-

In Eddy's history class, Mr. Green passed back tests while reading off questions his students had trouble with. Eddy noticed that one hand kept going up each time Mr. Green read a question. After the sixth time, he asked for answers from students other than Megan Hildebrandt. Even brainy as she was, she was cute. Unfortunately, she lost any interest in Eddy after he tried to scam her for test answers. She was shared two of his other classes.

Eddy watched Megan jot notes from Mr. Green's test lecture while ideas formed. He decided he'd keep an eye on her, for now.

At lunch, the Eds reconvened at their usual table. Eddy was in a better mood. He was back to laughing and joking between bites of turkey sandwich, until he noticed Nazz approaching from behind Edd. "Hi, Eds."

Edd quickly moved his soup thermos in front of his face, to avoid looking at Nazz. Ed averted his eyes to his latest edition of '_Slug-U-La Magazine_,' which was upside down. Eddy swallowed hard. "Uh, hi Nazz."

"My mother forgot I'm on a diet and packed a huge brownie in my lunch. Would any of you like it?" She noticed Edd and sugared her voice. "_Double-D?_" She giggled as Edd wilted behind his thermos.

"Sure, uh, we'll take it," Eddy squeaked, "I don't see why you want to lose weight, though."

"Kevin said the same thing, but swimsuit figures require effort."

"Forget Kevin."

"When are you guys going to quit being mean to each other?"

"When pigs fly."

"Yeah, Kevin said that, too."

Eddy rolled his eyes. Nazz placed the brownie on the table and bent down to Edd. "You can come out now. I'm leaving. Bye guys."

Edd emerged from behind the thermos, beet red. Eddy roared with laughter. "We have GOT to get you over this girl-thing!"

"No thank you. I-I'm fine."

"Sure, as long as you never talk to one!"

"Please, Eddy! Not so loud!"

Eddy laughed some more and Ed chuckled, too. Then Eddy got an idea to fix his grades, and help Edd with his shyness. "Perrrfect," he said quietly.

-

Eddy knew Megan was a teacher's pet, but she really excelled as a Library Helper. It was Megan's job to arrive early each morning to shelve books. Eddy often saw her coming out of the library while on his way to History. He decided to try something risky.

-

The next morning, Eddy kept particularly friendly with Edd, while going to great lengths to keep him distracted from his watch. He even started asking science and math questions. When the five-minute bell rang, Edd entered panic-mode. He tried to run for class. Eddy kept calling his name, and Edd dutifully turned to him, while still running. Then Eddy saw Megan heading toward the Library doors.

"Eddy, I must go NOW," Edd yelled as he started running down the hall, "Oh no! I'm violating a school rule!"

"DOUBLE-D!"

"Eddy! I'm going to be..."

**WHAM!**

Edd ran straight into the Library door as Megan pulled a book cart through it. He collapsed into a heap on the floor. "Direct hit." Eddy grinned privately.

"OH," Megan yelped. "Are you okay?!" She tried to bend over to help Edd, but her arms were full of books, and she dropped some on him. "Oh no! I'm so sorry!" In her shock at dropping the books, she dropped a few more and lost the rest while trying to catch the ones she dropped.

Eddy could barely keep from laughing himself silly, as he slipped away.

Edd tried frantically to get away from the deluge of books. "I am so, so, so sorry! Really! Let me help you!" Edd shielded his head with his arm.

"You're not going to drop anything else on me are you?"

"No," Megan peeped. "No, I'm all out of books."

Edd cautiously peeked out from behind his arm, just to be sure. What he saw was an extremely embarrassed, but pretty, strawberry red-headed girl. Spring green eyes glinted at him from above lightly freckled cheeks. "Wow," Edd said before catching himself, "Ehm, I mean, hi."

Megan extended her hand to help him up. "I'm Megan." Edd took her hand.

"I'm Eddward. With two Ds."

"Cute. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Wonderful actually."

Megan grinned. "Do you run into doors for fun?"

"No, I was in a hurry. I didn't see you."

"I figured that. You're really okay, though?"

"Yes."

Edd bent over to help Megan with her books. In doing so, he caught sight of a large book titled, '_Insects of North America,_' which had a picture of a green Praying Mantis on the cover. "Oh, _Dictyoptera mantida._ They're fascinating creatures."

Megan beamed, "They are! I'm writing a paper on them for one of my classes."

"How fun! I like _Odonata Anisoptera_, as well."

"Dragonflies."

"Precisely."

"Such intriguing insects. I'd love to keep talking, but I'm late for class."

"Class! Oh, no! I'm also tardy!"

Edd began to run away.

"Bye," Megan called after him.

Edd stopped and looked at his watch. "Well, another minute couldn't hurt me. Megan?"

"Yes?"

"Care to join me for lunch?"

-

Eddy watched Megan slip, grinning and very late, into class. Mr. Green made a comment, but she ignored it. "_Phase One complete_," Eddy gloated. "_Let's hope Double-D doesn't screw this up_."

-

Edd entered the lunchroom promptly at 12:00. He looked around and saw Megan intently thumbing through a book while nibbling on a granola bar. Eddy sneaked up from behind him. "HEY DOUBLE-D!" Edd almost leapt out of his skin.

"Eddy, you know I hate that!"

"Ha! What's for lunch, today, my man?"

"Um, Eddy..."

"Turkey, bacon, and swiss, toasted over whole wheat?"

"No. Eddy?"

"Ham and cheddar on french with dijon?

"No. Eddy?"

"A tough one, huh? Okay, Boston Clam Chowder and Oyster Crackers, right?"

"Minestrone. Listen Eddy..."

"Alright! Let's go!"

"_EDDY_."

"What?"

"You're on your own for lunch, today."

Eddy feigned surprise. "Ooooh, a _private lunch_, huh?"

"Yes, Eddy. I need to go."

"Uh-huh. So, who is she?"

"Eddy, please."

"C'mon, 'fess-up, Romeo."

"Megan. May I go, now?"

"Ooooooh, Megan." Eddy, mocking, fluttered his eyelashes.

"Eddy, it's not like that."

"Double-D, what are you doing standing around here?"

"Huh?"

"A dating tip, from me to you, okay? Never keep a lady waiting."

"But Eddy, it's _NOT_ like that!"

Eddy grabbed Edd's shoulders and pointed him toward Megan's table. "_Go get her, Double-D._"

"Great advice, Dorkanova," Kevin sneered from behind, "You ought to write a love column."

Eddy faced him. "What do you want?"

"Nothing. I just find romance tips interesting; especially from dorks who've never dated."

"Yeah, well I don't see you with any women. If you keep your record clean, you'll qualify for priesthood."

"Sorry, can't go that way. I have to reproduce to keep the dork population in balance."

"That's quite a feat to pull all by yourself, there. But whatever. I'm sure you'll do a _whacking_ good job."

Eddy went back to the Eds' table, where Ed looked most confused.

"Why is Double-D sitting over there?"

"He's taking a breather. Still got that _'Slug-U-La_' mag?"

Once Eddy got Ed distracted with the magazine, he watched Edd and crossed his fingers. Edd seemed to be doing well, though Eddy couldn't hear what he and Megan discussed. Whatever it was, they had each other's rapt attention. Eddy would've been extremely disappointed to find out that they were talking about the differences between _Mantis religiosa_ and _Tenodera aridifolia sinensis_.

Edd had an odd experience. He was very interested in the topic being discussed, but he was even more interested in Megan. Even stranger, he didn't feel the slightest unease. He would've given his entire butterfly collection to know what she was thinking. He decided to get bold. "Megan, when do you have study hall?"

Their study halls were over different periods, so they couldn't get together then. On the upside, they could get together after school, which landed Edd with her phone number. Even though it was for study purposes, he treasured it more than his trusty magnifying glass.

-

"451 - 27..."

"HIYA SOCKHEAD!"

"Eddy please! I'm trying to memorize this!"

"Memorize what? Hey, a phone number! WAY TO GO DOUBLE-D!"

"Please Eddy, it's not like that."

"So, when are you taking her out?"

"Honestly, Eddy. With your listening skills, it's a wonder I tell you anything."

-

Eddy came home quite a bit happier than when he left. Of all of his scams, this may well be his best and that thrilled him. "_Delicacy is the key for now,_" he thought, "_and maybe a confidence booster for Double-D._"

It turned out Edd didn't need confidence booster. When Eddy tried to call him, he was already gone. This was quite a surprise for Eddy, as he knew Edd kept his home activities rigidly scheduled. Eddy was calling during Edd's usual 'ant-farm-tending-and observation' period.

-

Edd met with Megan at her house and they slipped off to the creek to look for insect egg cases. The ground was thick with multicolored leaves, which crunched under their feet, as they poked along. Occasionally, Edd or Megan would see something and call the other's attention to it. After a while, they heard some leaf rustling other than theirs, and they stopped dead. The rustling continued which wasn't too far away. While they first thought it might be a few squirrels, or raccoons out early, a telltale giggle rang out which froze Edd with intense fear. Kankers headed their way.

"Oh, no," Edd whimpered, "we have to run, runaway-run-run-run-right-now-run-now-run!"

"What for?"

"K-k-k-kan-kerss! Run!"

"Why?"

"Pleeeeease! Before we're seen! Run!"

"What are you talking about? Why?"

Edd started to move away, "I must go now! I must run, now! Run! Run!" Megan, puzzled, looked just in time to see Edd bolt straight into a patch of brambles and tangle his clothes. Inability to escape completed his terror, and Edd lost all composure even before the Kankers were within thirty yards. His thrashing also guaranteed they'd be noticed.

Megan moved closer to Edd as the Kankers approached.

"It's your boyfriend, Marie," announced May. While Marie enjoyed Edd's captive state, she wasn't comfortable with Megan's proximity to him. "Watch out, Marie," Lee egged, "You've got competition!"

Marie looked at Megan suspiciously. "Who are you?"

"Megan Hildebrandt."

Kankers giggled at her name and even more at May's mauling attempts at pronouncing it. "Hi Meg. I'm Marie Kanker. These are my sisters Lee and May. That's my boyfriend, Double-D." Edd moaned with foreboding.

"Boyfriend, huh? No wonder he tried to get away so fast."

Marie looked ominous. "I hope you're not dumb enough to move in on him."

"Of course not. Though, love doesn't usually doesn't drive someone straight into thorny scrub."

The Kankers looked at each other and assembled themselves around Megan.

"It's all in good fun, Missy," Lee syruped. "Perhaps we should share some Kanker love with you."

"Perhaps," Megan looked thoughtfully sly, "Except that your mother's name is Susan, right?"

"Yeah, so?"

"And she likes her job?"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"She works for my dad."

-

After the Kankers were gone, it took a good fifteen minutes for Megan to free Edd from the brambles. "Hold on, you've still got some prickers in your cap."

"And a few in my shirt," Edd answered. "Masterfully handled, by the way."

Megan blushed a little, "Thanks. I figured they didn't want to bring their mother into it."

Edd giggled. Megan looked around. "It's getting dark. I need to get home. See ya' around?"

"I hope so." Edd smiled.

-

"Double-D! Where were you! I tried to call you all day!"

"Oh, I was at the creek, with Megan. We were..."

Eddy laughed. "Nothing slows you down!"

"Eddy, it's not like that."

"You don't expect me to believe you guys were collecting bugs, do you?"

"Actually, I do."

"Picnic ants by candle light. _How romantic_. What's next? A hot night of slug migration? C'mon Double-D."

"Eddy, it's not like that."

"Whatever, Casanova!" Eddy laughed some more.

"Double-D's in love," Ed chimed in.

"_Oh, I give up_. So, do you need any help with your studies?"

"I'll let you know when I do, Double-D. Count on it."

-

Edd wondered why Eddy seemed so enthusiastic about his friendship with Megan. "_Surely this couldn't be another scam. Eddy would've given himself away by now._" Edd turned into the cafeteria. "_And if Eddy is helping me with my __girl thing, why hasn't he pushed Nazz into the picture?_"

He saw Megan back at the lunch table. Sunlight gleamed through the south windows and lit her fabulous hair. Even tied-back, it looked marvelous. "_She was brilliant yesterday. The insects, the creek, the Kankers._" Megan waved at him. "_Maybe Eddy's right, for once._"

Eddy watched Edd join Megan, congratulated himself and plotted his next move. Ed watched Edd and wondered when he was going to come back.

Nazz's usual friends weren't available for lunch, today. Everyone in Kevin's Geology class left on field trip and wouldn't be back until well after lunch. Even Rolf was gone. Nazz searched the lunchroom for familiar faces.

She saw Ed and Eddy at the Eds' table, but Edd was clear across the cafeteria with a girl. "Interesting." Nazz decided to join them.

"No! No-no-no," Eddy jumped. "Nazz! She'll totally blow his cool!" Eddy tried to call her attention to the Eds' table, but she didn't notice him. Eddy then decided to resort to a fast tactic.

During a particularly long session in the Principal's Office, Eddy accidentally discovered that the P.A. system was wired into the phones. It could be dialed just like any of the school's extensions. Sometimes, he'd sneak away during a study hall, disguise his voice, and patch into it. Then he'd deliver his own brand of public service announcements, such as:

_'The Best Method for Shaving an Ape'  
'The Best Method for Shaving Kevin'  
'New and Innovative uses for Duct Tape'  
'Barnacles and You'  
and '__School Spirit: Why the Peach Creek Cheerleaders should plant trees on the Fifty-Yard-Line.'_

Eddy fished through his pockets for unspent milk money, and quickly slipped down the hall toward a bank of payphones. Popping some coins into a slot, he dialed the school's phone number.

"_Peach Creek Junior High, may I help you?_"

"Ahem, Hello. May I please have extension 5591?"

"_Certainly. Please hold._" The phone clicked over to the P.A. System.

"_Would Nazarine Marie Feltwick please report to Principal Farrell's Office? That's Miss Naz-zar-ine Mar-ie Felt-wick... Report to Principal Antonucci's Office, immediately_."

Eddy hung up the phone.

Nazz emerged from the cafeteria, deeply annoyed at being called 'Nazarine' for the entire school to hear. She hated that name.

Crisis abated, Eddy strolled back into the lunchroom. Edd looked up and grinned a quick thanks for the rescue, before returning his attention to Megan.

-

"Thanks for the page, Eddy. I must warn you, sooner or later, Principal Antonucci is going to figure out it you."

"Yeah, yeah," Eddy waved it off and pulled his backpack out of his locker. "So, are you and Megan headed back out for another wild night of bug collecting?"

"No. She asked me if I would like to see _'__Nuncio's Favor'_ with her."

Eddy grimaced. "You're kidding, right?"

Ed groaned, "Girls have the worst taste in movies. _'Dawn of the Vampire Amazons'_ is so much better."

"I think seeing an independent film could be fun. Besides, I've seen enough B-movie production values to last quite a while."

"Yeah, but an art flick?"

"Guys, there ARE other reasons to see movies beside monsters and gore."

"Not many," Ed groaned.

Eddy winked and nudged Edd, "Unless you're going _sans chaperone_."

Edd blushed and wilted, "It's not like that, Eddy."

"Surrre it isn't, Double-D," Eddy chuckled.

-

Edd met with Megan promptly at 7:15, outside the Peach Creek Cinematheque. He offered to pay her admission, but she insisted on going dutch since he was still saving for an electron microscope.

They found seats in the back of the theater and giggled at the commercial marquees cyclically projected on the screen. Why someone would want to advertise Viagra at an art-house movie theater was anyone's guess.

_'Nuncio's Favor'_ was an Italian film with subtitles. Once they got used to the titles, they listened for various words to tried to correlate them to the subtitles. After a while, much later than Eddy's patience would've held out, the film got interesting.

In any movie with other than a G-rating, it's obligatory for the plot to contain a love scene. _'Nuncio's Favor'_ was no exception. Edd and Megan lost themselves in the film by that point and Edd imagined that he and Megan kissed passionately on the screen. Without even thinking about it, he slid his hand over Megan's and clasped it. She didn't pull away.

-

After the movie, Edd and Megan found they had time before her father would be there to pick them up. To kill time and get out of the chilly night air, they slipped into a nearby coffeehouse.

Sipping hot chocolates, they watched the Global News Channel, which played on the television next to a reading nook. Their attention piqued when story on the Coursey-Dunn Comet played. The comet was projected to be at its closest point with Earth, that Saturday night.

"That's going to be amazing," Megan sighed, "I'd love to take a picture of it."

"Bad camera?"

"Oh no, my dad has a great camera. We've used it for timed star exposures and stuff. I don't have a good telescope to use it with, though."

"I do! It should bring in Coursey-Dunn magnificently!

"Fantastic! We can set it up on our roof!"

Edd smiled along with her excitement.

-

"So how was that 'Nancy-o's Thing,' or whatever?"

"Grand, Eddy. I quite enjoyed myself."

Eddy closed his locker. "I'll bet. You're floating a good foot off the ground. Is that _all_ you did?"

Edd rolled his eyes. "Yes, Eddy."

"And do _Tristan and Isolde_ have plans for the weekend?"

"Eddy, please."

"Alright-alright," he chuckled.

"We are doing something, but it's hardly opera material."

"Do tell."

"Megan and I are setting up a telescope to photograph the Coursey-Dunn Comet."

"You sure know how to party, Double-D."

"So, what are you doing?"

"MONSTER MOVIE MARATHON," Ed cut in.

"At my house this time," Eddy added, "No Sarah."

"Rolf will be relieved," Edd giggled. "Of course, you know that makes _you_ the host, Eddy."

"Shhh! Not in front of Captain Eyebrow!"

"SNACK!"

Edd giggled some more.

-

End of Part One.


	2. Chapter 2

The characters appearing in this story are property of Aka Cartoon and Cartoon Network. I neither own nor profit from these characters, except for Megan. She is an OC I created.

**Hopelessly Devot-Ed, Part Two**

Edd and his telescope were dropped off at the Hildebrandt's house at 8:00pm. Megan's mother answered the door. She twittered cheerfully and repeatedly offered him spiced apple cider. Finally, she showed him to Megan's room. She was already on the roof. Edd peered around her window frame to find her reclining on a blanket, searching the chilly night sky with a handheld mini scope.

Megan looked stunning under the moon and countless stars. Edd watched her for quite a while before climbing out onto the sill.

"Hiya, Megan."

"Edd! I was wondering when you'd show!"

"Sorry. Your mother wanted to drown me in apple cider."

"Specialty of the house," she giggled, "You'll get that from now until March."

"I see. I've got the scope. Are you sure it's safe out here?"

"Perfectly. I come out here all the time. Bundle-up, though. It's freezing."

Megan got up to help with the scope and prove it was safe.

Edd and Megan set up the scope so that the tripod rested securely in the gutter, while its weight rested against the slant of the roof. They also kept it low so that they could view the comet while sitting on the blanket.

Megan used an adapter to attach her father's camera to the scope, and flicked on a penlight to check her watch and an article on Coursey-Dunn. Edd cautiously sat with her on the blanket.

"It says here that the comet will reach its perigee at 21:37 and that its brightness is expected to be a magnitude 1. I heard it'll have an 11 degree tail."

"That's huge! Were you able to see anything with the handheld scope?"

"A little, but Alpha Cygni's interfering. We need to wait until the comet is farther away from it. This isn't the greatest mini-scope, either."

Edd felt the blanket slip under him. "I forgot to tell you, "Megan pointed out, "it's more stable if you're lying down."

"Got it." Edd laid back. Megan flicked the penlight off and rolled to face him.

"You're not new at Peach Creek, are you?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"I can't say I'd ever seen you before our accident."

"Oh, my." Edd remembered, embarrassed."

"Don't worry about it."

"You know, Megan, I don't remember ever seeing you before then, either."

Megan giggled. "Well, I'm certainly not new! I wonder how we could be at the same school for so long and never meet?"

"I think, during routine life, people walk past each other everyday and never see one another," Edd offered. "We get so mush-brained with our own interests, that we fail to see anything else." Edd wasn't listening to himself. He just let the stars talk for him. "I'm probably the worst that way, because I'm always looking for the each new marvelous thing. And you're right here."

"What?" Megan's eye's got wide.

"I think you are amazing."

"Thanks." Megan blushed deeply.

"I've been wondering what it's like to kiss you ever since we first met."

Megan moved closer to him. "So, what's keeping you?"

Megan's new proximity brought Edd back to Earth in time to realize what he said. He seized up, but saw the way Megan looked at him and relaxed again.

"Isn't there some kind of protocol for this?"

Megan laughed a little. "Let's see, boy meets girl. Boy and girl like each other. Boy and girl find themselves alone on a roof with parents and sisters dangerously close, not to mention neighbors who could look through windows at any moment. I think the preliminaries are covered."

Edd looked again into Megan's green eyes, which glimmered in the moonlight. What happened next, Edd could never describe. It seemed almost automatic and neither Edd, nor Megan could remember who moved toward whom, or even what it was like. Once definitely wasn't enough, however. They forgot all about the comet.

While Megan was only kidding about their potential audience, there was one witness to Edd's first consensual kiss. Eddy lay shrouded among particularly dense shrubs in the Hildebrandt's backyard. He chuckled gleefully to himself as he peered through his father's binoculars.

"Perfect."

-

Catching Edd by himself turned out to be quite a challenge for Eddy. Edd and Megan became each other's shadows. Calling did no good as Edd was never home. When he was, he was either on his way out the door, or Megan was over. "I hope his poor ants haven't resorted to cannibalism," Eddy griped.

Ed missed Edd. He tried talking with him but that Megan girl kept Edd in another galaxy. She was friendly enough. Ed couldn't relate to her, though. Ed wanted Edd to be back with the Eds again. His wish came true soon enough.

-

Edd found himself in an impromptu study hall since one of his teachers went home sick. Chemistry was canceled. He wandered around the Library, hoping to find Megan, when he saw Ed and Eddy lounging at a table toward the back of the stacks.

"Hi guys!"

Ed cheered, "Double-D!"

"Hey, we missed ya,' Double-D! Come, sit down!" Eddy pushed out a chair with his foot. Ed threw an arm around Edd's shoulder and pulled him into a hug as he tried to sit down.

"Okay, Ed. That's good. Alright. You can stop now!" Edd tried to get Ed to let him go.

"Down, Ed."

"Thanks Eddy." Edd sat down.

"We wouldn't want Megan to think _'__Lawrence of Algebra'_ had something on the side," Eddy joked.

"I'm taking Calculus, and I would never do that, Eddy."

"Not when you're sharing halves of the same brain, anyway."

"COOL!" Ed leapt for Edd's cap. "Lemme see, Double-D! Lemme see!" Edd grabbed his cap and fought wildly to keep it on his head as Ed tugged at it. Eddy roared with laughter.

While all this was going on, Megan busily shelved books nearby. She heard the commotion and wanted to tell its source to quiet down. When she first saw Edd's predicament, she started to race to his aid. At the last second, she ducked back out of sight when she saw Eddy.

"Ed! Stop! Cease! Desist! Refrain! Abstain! Aughhh! Down, ED!"

"But Double-D, I want to see your brain transplant."

"That was a figure of speech, Ed."

"Oh." Ed looked disappointed.

Edd turned to Eddy, "You need to watch your rhetoric around him. You know how literal he is."

Eddy wiped some tears from his eyes and stifled some lingering laughter. "Sorry... _mmph-he-he_... I forgot." He straightened himself up, and switched gears. "So, how are things with you and Hildy?"

"Wonderful, Eddy. We're working on her mantis project together."

"Hmmph," Eddy rolled his eyes. "I guess nothing says '_I love you'_ like a jar of bugs."

"Eddy, please!"

"Oh, c'mon, Double-D! You guys are _such _an item."

"Yes, but that's personal."

"Mmm-hmm." Eddy stretched and slouched in his chair. "It's only between you and whoever sees you two."

"Eddy, your posture is atrocious."

"_Yes, Mother_. Listen, you know how you offered to help me with my studying?"

Edd brightened up, "Why, yes. Yes, I do!"

"I know how you can help."

"Great! I'll be over right after school!"

"Hold on, Professor. You haven't heard me out."

Edd froze and looked apprehensive. "Um, okay..."

"You can help me by getting Megan's notebook."

"But Eddy, all we have to do is go through your notes, and reading assignments, and..."

Eddy made a 'zip-it' gesture in front of his mouth. "All of the key elements from three of my classes are in that notebook. Get me the notebook and I'll ace my tests."

"NO! I LIKE Megan. I will NOT take advantage of her for your benefit!"

Megan, still hidden behind some shelving, grinned.

"Come now, Double-D."

"NO."

"Alright, alright. Since you feel so strongly about it." Eddy looked sly. "I'll bet she won't like you as much if she happens to find out about that little cross-dressing incident with you and Nazz. Oh, dear. I shudder to think how she'd react if she finds out what's under that cap!"

"No, Eddy, y-you wouldn't!"

"What's her number? 451-2..."

"No, please!"

"Of course, she IS in three of my classes. I could gossip just loudly enough."

"No! Eddy, no!" Edd was almost ready to cry. "I'll get it for you. I'll get the notebook." Edd slumped in his chair as Eddy looked triumphant.

"No wonder you were so excited about Megan and I."

"_I can't believe Eddy's stupid enough to try that again,_" Megan snarled. "_And blackmail Edd! What a dirty little scrub!_"

Megan slipped away to plan her next move.

-

Edd dreaded seeing Megan, considering his new mission. How was he going to get her notebook? "_If it's so important to Eddy, it's probably really important to her. It has all of her notes! She'll fail without it! I can't do this to her!_" Then Edd had an idea. "_What if I copy it? That'll satisfy Eddy and Megan can keep her notes._" Edd relaxed a little. "_I guess borrowing it isn't so bad._"

-

Megan avoided being seen for the rest of the school day. Instead of staying after to help Mr. Riley, she excused herself and went home. She sat in her room, trying to come up with a way to fry Eddy. She opened one of her desk drawers. Inside, she found an unused notebook, which was the same color as the one she already used. "_Ah-ha!_" Megan had a brilliant idea. "_Maybe, Eddy can have my notebook, after all._" She grabbed the notebook out of the drawer and set to work on her new plan.

-

Edd and Megan didn't see each other for a few days. When he called, she told him she was grounded and couldn't see him. Eddy started getting impatient with Edd and reminded him of their deal. Megan was finally 'ungrounded' on Friday, and Edd came over to her house.

"How is the mantis project coming?"

"Great. You were right about the moths."

"She likes them?"

"Um-hmm. I have to feed her now, in fact. Want to come upstairs?"

Edd followed Megan into her room. His original destination was the vivarium they set up for her mantis, but on her bed, he saw her notebook. Edd sat down next to it.

"She likes crickets, too."

"I'll bet."

Megan opened the lid on the tank and then acted as if she lost something.

"What's the matter?"

"My crickets. My mother must've moved them downstairs. I'll be right back."

Edd waited until Megan was out of the room and down the stairs before slipping her notebook into his backpack. "This is so wrong," he grimaced.

Megan quickly returned with a small jar of crickets. She noticed that the notebook was no longer sitting next to Edd, on the bed. "_Bingo._"

-

Eddy showered Edd with praise. "We'll make a man out of you yet, Double-D."

"We can't keep this, Eddy."

"Yeah, right. Just tell her she misplaced it."

"No, Eddy. Those are her notes. She needs them to pass."

"Who cares about her?"

"_I DO_!" Edd snatched the notebook from Eddy's grasp.

"Okay, okay! Don't have a bird! We can copy it and give it back to her," Eddy bargained.

"My thoughts, exactly."

-

Since Edd refused to pay for it, Eddy had to talk his mother into giving him money. This was no easy task, but he finally got ten dollars on the agreement that he would buy a gallon of milk and a sheet of postage stamps on his way home.

At the corner store, Eddy quickly fed the notebook pages through the copier as Edd endeavored to keep them in order.

"Beautiful. Just beautiful."

"I doubt this will make you magna cum laude, Eddy."

"Aw, who cares about recipes? These will make the greatest cheat sheets!"

"Eddy, I _thought_ you were going to study!

"Uh, yeah! Yeah, I am. _What_?"

Edd sighed and continued putting Megan's notebook back together.

-

Eddy had a little change left over after buying the milk and postage stamps for his mom. Of course, he spent it on jawbreakers and even gave Edd one, but it didn't taste very good. He felt miserable about stealing Megan's notebook and wondered how to get it back to her without being caught.

At school, Megan never acted as if her notebook was missing, or even as if anything was wrong. She carefully kept her notebook in her book bag, so that none of the Eds knew she still had it.

Eddy's ego was at an all-time high. This was his most perfect scam. All he had to do now was memorize some key words and make some cheat sheets to pass his tests. He'd be in the clear. "_No Pembrook for me_," he gloated. "_I'm too smart! Too bad little Miss Brainiac isn't in all my classes!_"

-

Megan made returning the notebook easy for Edd. When he finally gathered enough nerve to return to her house, she frequently turned her back to him. She also made several excuses to leave him alone in her room. Edd took advantage of his opportunities by sliding the notebook under her bed. He carefully left a corner of it showing, so she'd find it, and possibly think she accidentally pushed it under her bed.

Edd still felt bad about stealing Megan's notebook, but was relieved that it was back in her possession. He wanted so much to tell her what happened, but he was afraid she wouldn't like him anymore.

During the last three weeks of the semester, Eddy allowed Edd to help him study. He wouldn't let Edd work with him on any of the classes he had with Megan because he was so confident that his success was in the bag. He didn't have his math or science classes with her, though. Under Edd's guidance, Eddy significantly improved his homework and quiz grades. They also worked on his spelling skills though it got to be a tax on Eddy's attention span.

Eddy's mother also got into the act. She frequently invited Edd to stay for dinner, so he could drill Eddy some more. Evelynne's cheese and sausage ravioli was a tough dish for Edd to refuse. She made the best pasta in the cul-de-sac. Eddy's dad even fired up his grill for hamburgers.

Edd ran quite a marathon to keep his time between Eddy and Megan. He thanked his lucky stars that he could still fit in some studying while spending time with Megan. Of course, studying wasn't his primary purpose for seeing her.

-

The last week of the semester boiled with restlessness and anticipation of a two-week break. Some students were going on ski trips. Some were visiting relatives. Mostly, Eddy looked forward to a good snowstorm so he could nail Kevin with his re-engineered 'Slushy-Ed Special.'

Final tests were to be administered two days before the end of the term. Edd drilled Eddy one last time. To be sure he didn't stay for dinner, Eddy answered all of Edd's questions diligently. He also put on a great show of confidence to satisfy Edd and get him out of the house. Once Edd wished him a final good luck and left, Eddy reached under his bed and extracted his copy of Megan's notes. Then he closed and locked his door.

"_Now, it's time for the real academics._"

-

Mr. Green watched everyone file quietly into class and wrote test instructions and time duration on the chalkboard. Megan turned in her seat to look back at Eddy, who grinned at her. She smiled mock-pleasantly and turned back around.

-

"So how did you do, Eddy?"

"I aced every one, thanks to you and Megan."

Edd rolled his eyes. "You did actually _study_ for those other classes, right?"

"Of course."

Edd didn't buy it. " Because cheating always catches up with you."

"Yeah-yeah, but I'm off the hook. I could care less."

"It's your neck, I suppose."

"Quit being so paranoid. School's almost out and we're in for a snowstorm. Lighten up."

Peach Creek Junior High held its annual Holiday Festival the following day. This gave the students a no-stress sampling of Winter Holidays, as celebrated by different nations. Volunteers, parents, other students and substitute teachers represented each culture in different classrooms. The school also put on holiday films in the gymnasium. As students toured the classrooms, they sampled foods and watched presentations on how each culture observed its winter holiday. This gave students a chance to unwind and teachers got a free day to grade everything.

Edd joined Megan for lunch with some gingerbread cookies and a handful of homemade candy canes. He gave her the cookies and canes as he kissed her on the cheek.

"These came from Room 21. I think it's the best of all the classrooms this year."

"I liked the Swiss room."

"The one with all the chocolate?"

"You bet. Have you been to the Library?"

"No."

"We decorated it like the Nutcracker Suite. I worked on all the rats and the 'Clara' mannequin is wearing one of my old ballet dresses and pointe shoes."

"You study ballet?"

"Um, for a little while. My mom thought I needed to be graceful."

"Wow." Visions of Megan in a gossamer ballet costume danced through Edd's head.

Megan waved her hand in front of Edd's glazed eyes. "Earth to Edd."

"Sorry."

"I'd let you think whatever you were thinking, but I was such a klutz queen that I played scenery for all our recitals."

"Oh, come now."

"No-no, I'm serious! For our first recital, I was a rock. My interpretation of a tree garnered some accolades. For our third recital, I really got to use my talents as Night' and Day.' When the sun rose, Day _broke_. When the moon came out, Night _fell_. My parents ended my illustrious ballet career after that."

"That's too bad."

"Point of story: I didn't like it, I wasn't good at it and I don't miss it."

Edd smiled at her. "Well, I'll bet you made a great tree."

"What_ever_," she giggled.

-

The next morning, Eddy strolled into Mr. Green's class and grinned very wide at Megan. Mr. Green would sing his praises for sure. "_Poor Hildy_," he thought, "_I hope her ego can take this._"

After class began, Mr. Green collected everyone's books and checked them all for damage. Then came the moment Eddy waited for. One by one, Mr. Green called students to the front of the class to give back their tests and tell them their grades. Quiet chatter burbled among the rest of the students as he did this.

Predictably, Megan got another A+ and she happily explained test answers to anyone who couldn't figure out their mistakes. Eddy chuckled as he listened to her babble away. Finally, his name was called.

As Eddy approached Mr. Green, he noticed his teacher wasn't grinning. He figured maybe he was just using his poker face to keep the suspense.

"Congratulations, Eddy. I must say you were in rare form."

Eddy smiled graciously. "Thank you, sir."

"I'm amazed you got your name right."

"Huh?" Eddy looked at the test Mr. Green was holding. At the top, his score was 4/100, and next to it was a red 'F.' His smugness quickly plummeted to shock.

"I'd say you haven't heard a word I said all semester."

"But how did this...?"

"What really amazes me is there are kids in here who slept the whole time and they scored higher."

"But..."

"But nothing. Look at this. It's not as if comprehension was the issue. These questions are very clearly written."

"But you said that..."

"I said what? Did I say Benedict Arnold was the seventh President of the United States? When did I say that Manifest Destiny had to do with Martin Luther and the Protestant break with the Catholic Church?"

"Uh, never?"

"Right. I certainly hope you get better grades when you retake this course."

"Summer school?" Eddy deflated some more.

Mr. Green handed Eddy his test. "See you in June."

Eddy dragged himself back to his seat and buried his test in his backpack. He watched Megan twitter away with classmates and started to seethe.

"_Double-D._"

-

Edd wandered around the Library, hoping to find Megan. He wanted to make holiday plans and give her a present he made.

"Et tu, Double-D?"

Edd turned around. "Hiya, Eddy."

"Oh, sure... _Hi_." Eddy looked menacing.

"Is something wrong?"

"You mean you _need_ to ask? Did you and Ed swap brains, or something?"

"Eddy?"

"The NOTEBOOK, Edd. You think making me fail is funny? Or can't smart guys handle competition?"

"But Eddy..."

"And what was all that about getting Megan's notebook back to her? Was that just for effect?"

"Eddy, I honestly..."

"Sold me out to your woman. I figured it out, Einstein."

"But Eddy! I didn't..."

Eddy moved forward and Edd began feeling genuine fear that he was about to get pounded. He tried to escape, but he backed right into a wall. Eddy pinned him against it.

"At least I can rest easy knowing who got me packed off to Pembrook."

"Eddy please! Listen to reason!"

"An annoying know-it-all and a traitor. You two are the perfect couple."

Eddy raised his fist to Edd's face and faked a punch. Edd winced and whimpered.

"Psyche," Eddy chuckled. "Man, you are pathetic."

"Pathetic?" A voice came from behind Eddy. "Now _that's_ funny."

Eddy turned to face Megan. She stood with her arms crossed. The piercing stare on her face was almost as disquieting as the three Kankers who flanked her.

"Let him go."

Even though he realized the threat the Kankers posed, Eddy still kept a firm grip on Edd. "What's the matter, Meg? Don't you like your men softened up?"

"Not for something he didn't do."

"C'mon, now. You don't expect me to believe Ed engineered that."

"Not in the least. I did."

"Uh-huh " Eddy turned back to Edd. "And you wouldn't have even known if '_Dudley Do-Right_,' hadn't opened his big mouth."

"Double-D didn't tell me a thing. You did."

"Huh?" Eddy released Edd.

"I heard you blackmail him to steal my notes."

The Kankers closed in on Eddy.

"That's pretty sick using someone's relationship to take advantage of them," Lee sugared, "_You're a man after my own heart._" Eddy swallowed hard.

"Like I've always said, I like cheaters," Marie sneered.

Megan tapped Lee on the shoulder. "Shall I bid you adieu?"

"We'll take it from here, Hildy."

Megan took Edd's arm in hers and began leading him away.

"Happy holidays, then."

Eddy waved weakly at Lee and giggled nervously. "Um, Lee? Isn't this time of year about forgiveness and peace and stuff?"

The Kankers giggled. "Sure it is. But there's another tradition you're forgetting."

"What?"

"Look up."

Eddy looked up and along a garland that scalloped along the wall above him. I was a part of the holiday decorations that Megan helped with.

"It's a garland, so what?"

"Take a closer look."

On closer examination, Eddy found that he was standing directly under mistletoe. "_Oh, no_."

-

The school halls were mostly cleared out as everyone hurried away to begin their winter break. Megan and Edd strolled toward the doors to leave. As they walked, they could hear Eddy screaming from the Library. Edd worried about him.

"He's going to be okay, isn't he?"

"Oh, sure." Megan smiled. "I told them to go easy on him. I'm sure they'll stop once they tie him into a few granny knots."

They walked a little further.

"I felt miserable about the notebook, Megan. How come you never told me you knew?"

"You never talked to me about Eddy. I also figured if you knew what I was doing, Eddy would never get the fake notes."

"I didn't want you to hate me and Eddy is my friend."

Megan circled her arms around his shoulders.

"Don't ever think I would hate you for one of Eddy's stunts. As for Eddy, he got what he deserved."

Eddy screamed in the background. "Sounds like he's getting a second helping."

"Perhaps." Megan moved in for a kiss.

"Merry Christmas."

-

As things worked out, Edd's science and math coaching were the deciding factor in keeping Eddy's parents from sending him to Pembrook. Though he didn't pass any of the classes he had with Megan, his grades in the other two dramatically improved. Eddy was so busy with his scheme for Megan's notebook and his study drills with Edd, he didn't have time for pranks. This also worked in his favor. To his parents, Eddy cleaned up his act.

After what the Kankers did to him, it took a while before Eddy gathered enough nerve to approach Edd. Once he did, however, he thanked him for all his help and promised that he would use honest methods to pass his classes (with Edd's help, of course). This didn't stop him from refocusing his schemes on jawbreakers, though!


End file.
